forget me not series – The Romance of Ayin & Will
CHAPTER ONE
Sometimes an answered prayer can be as simple as breakfast at 2PM, a smart phone gone mute, or lounging at an open-air cafe waiting for absolutely nothing.
She tilted her bare face up to a cloudless blue sky and mused, funny how God answers and the universe always conspires to fulfill your wishes. Take this moment, for example.
For the past three years, she could not count anymore the number of times she wished to have this rare moment of pause and solitude.
That is, to be able to wake up not to an incessant phone ring or alarm clock, but lazily, gradually whenever her eyes would want to.
Or, to be able to drink coffee, not for the purpose of keeping her mind active during execoms, conference calls and 4-hour meetings. But to sip that steaming hot black Americano leisurely while people watching and thinking of absolutely nothing important.
Or, to not be rushing to the next appointment or wracking her brains out on the next pr event or story angle while picking at food from a 1,999 hotel buffet she’s too familiar with to appreciate anymore.
She was exhausted.
Her job of three years as a pr & communications manager of a 5-star city hotel had demanded nonstop events, back to back parties, fighting to be the city’s number one, and most tiring of all, everyday training on how to be always creatively extraordinary.
While it had been fun and fulfilling, the burnout was real. She didn’t want to be in the game anymore.
So she resigned from her post and just two days ago, had her last midnight wine party with colleagues as goodbye.
After that, she slept for a straight, record-breaking 28 hrs and just got out of bed today for breakfast outside. It was already 2pm.
Lounging comfortably under the shade of a caimito tree, she smiled at a roving manager. It was heaven to not be on her high heels and just be the seated guest this time around.
She took a whiff, then a sip, of her aromatic black coffee. As she slowly put her cup down, she silently scolded herself, “Ayin, you really have no right to complain about your previous job. After all, you just got what you asked for.”
More than three years ago, she remembered fervently praying for a job that would keep her so busy, she would have No Time to think, stalk or message a certain man who broke her heart.
Burned by the pain, she had wished to be so busy that she would have No Time to fall in love again.
She was barely surviving the second major heartbreak of her life and her heart was so torn to pieces that it was either give up totally from the world or struggle to rise from the ashes like a phoenix. Her poetic soul chose the latter.
She swore this time she would transform herself into a beautiful, capable and independent woman, one who would never let a man dictate her moods or her course of happiness again.
After three months of job hunting, she finally got her answered prayer. She was thrown into the busiest job and most competitive industry in her entire career.
She wondered about God’s sense of humor, though. He did give her the job of her dreams, but…
For the first year or so, she reveled in being busy, exploring a new world and testing her limits.
True enough, she was always at a work party or event so she had No Time to date. In her line of work, she met so many gorgeous and educated men, but with a never ending to-do list, she had No Time to care for anyone else.
Then, one day, it came to pass when No Time met Too Much.
She couldn’t say exactly when she began to feel the drag of Too Much, but as months passed, the more she’s convinced she’d had Too Much of No Time, along with Too Much of glamour and work magic.
Occasionally, in her busiest moments, she would hug herself tight to check if the self she knew was still there.
Had she changed too much? Did she lose pieces of her soul in her busy and desperate attempt to forget that man?
She took another sip of her black coffee, then sighed.
Well, she thought, she really couldn’t blame that man, either. For once upon a time, he, too, was an answered prayer.
About five years ago, after meeting and breaking up with her first love, she had suffered her first unforgettable drink-till-you-forget, travel-as-far-away-as-you-can heartbreak.
Yet despite the fall, she was still quite the optimist. After a while of wallowing in the pain, she remembered thinking, “This can’t be it. I can’t believe my heart is truly dead.”
With a heart so numb, she started praying, “My God, please lift me from this darkness. Please show me I’m capable of loving still. I just want to live again, but I don’t know how.”
A few months later, she got her answered prayer. She had been traveling to different islands to forget and finally settled for awhile at a resort by the sea to heal her broken heart. That’s when she met him, a man 10 years older than her.
She believed he was God’s answer to her prayer for he was the one who taught her how to find herself again. To laugh and see another world she’s never been.
It was in that very bleak period of her life that she realized a truth about love, “It takes falling in love with another man to make you completely forget a man you’ve loved deeply.”
But then, God’s purpose must have been just that – for the man to heal her of her first broken heart. For a year later, he left without a word. It was double the pain of her first love.
But at that time, she knew that like the first time around, “this too, shall pass.” She would get over it. It was more painful, but after all that, she was also stronger.
She took another sip of her black coffee as this particular memory led her to reminisce about her first love, too.
It had taken her some time but now she can already smile at the thought of him. He also was, after all, another answered prayer.
This man, a year younger than her, was the love she had prayed for in her younger years.
Through high school, college, and early dating life, she had been asking the heavens, “Where God? When? Why isn’t he here yet? Where is this True Love everyone else seems to have, but I can’t seem to grasp yet?”
It took so long for God to answer this prayer, that when he finally arrived, it was all the more sweeter.
On her 28th year, this man came like magic and firework into her life – so bright and fascinating.
But, just like that of a glorious 10-minute firework show on New Year’s Countdown, their time together was shorter than what one would have wanted, and eventually ended in a haze of smoke and nostalgia.
It was sad and short, but then, just because it ended did not mean that the love was not true.
Engrossed in the tumultuous memories of the past five years, she absentmindedly took another sip and realized that the coffee cup was empty.
She met the eye of the unobtrusive F&B waiter, smiled and slightly raised her coffee cup to signal a refill.
As another pot of steaming black coffee poured, she looked around and brought her mind to the present.
What does she do now?
In a familiar move, she mechanically took out her day planner notebook and eight multi-colored sign pens she used for coding task lists or ideas. Even without work, she still brings these along with her. An occupational habit, she realized.
She briefly browsed through the empty columns in her calendar pages, and closed it back.
After years of being busy, she had no energy left to socialize, to date, meet another face and make small talk.
What does she want next?
Honestly, she didn’t know. She’s not pining for a man. She has no financial debts. She has no great ambition left unfulfilled.
At 33, she was finally at a standstill.
At that moment, she did not even know what to pray for. Frankly, she was a bit apprehensive about it, too, for her answered prayers in the past had not really turned out the way she expected it to.
Though she acknowledged these were blessings, she just wasn’t sure if her newly recovered heart could still take the twists and turns of an answered prayer as before.
After much thinking, she realized she was just tired and wanted to rest.
Ah, beautiful sleep.
She may not know what her next path in life would be, but at least, she knew what small step to take in the next few minutes.
She will take a nap and figure out the rest later. Even her second cup of black coffee was not strong enough to overrule the thought.
Maybe, with enough sleep, her body can recharge, her heart may remember possible lost pieces, and she can finally feed her soul.
With one last look at the blue, empty sky, she stood up and stretched.
Ah, to a beautiful sleep it is.
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Ayin Quijano 
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