The Girl in the Mirror

forget me not series – The Romance of Ayin & Will

CHAPTER TWO

Five days a week, around sundown, you will find her running at the Business Park across her home.

At that time, the wide open green fields and paved inner roads would be bustling with groups of office workers from the surrounding corporate buildings dancing zumba, or kids from the nearby high school playing informal soccer, or residents in the area jogging or walking with their leashed dogs – some of which in sweat clothes, too.

From time to time, some couples would wander to look at the sunset or cuddle under the few trees. Random groups like cyclists or students would sometimes converge for picnics or meetings on the grass under a clear sky. The line of parked cars along the sidewalk, while inconvenient for joggers, would only grow longer into the night.

She didn’t mind it all. She was oblivious to her surroundings most of the time. She found great comfort in jogging alone among strangers.

She just wanted to move. She might be at a standstill or crossroads in her life now, but here she was freely running to something – that blissful feeling of having the cool wind caress your hot face and the peace of letting your mind rest to the blaring tunes of alternative rock.

Sometimes it’s classical pop, acoustic, Broadway or OPM — all depending on her mood for the moment.

That day, she was in the mood to make decisions to get her life going.

On her third lap, she settled in her mind that she wants to pursue a simpler life. She realized she’s a simple girl by nature and is easily tired by the extraordinary.

It chafes her a bit to acknowledge this. After all, her education and career training have always urged her to aim for the best or reach for the stars. It did not help that she was born intelligent and talented, so that family and society always expected her to excel in her endeavors.

What’s so wrong with being ordinary? There is beauty in ordinary things and aspirations. She feels lighter without makeup. She is happiest when barefoot on the sand, not on heels sipping champagne. She has more peace of mind wearing beautiful pre-loved dresses than new expensive couture, because one, she feels that she’s giving the old clothes a new lease on life, and two, she has a clumsy habit of spilling coffee on her clothes at the most inopportune times.

She wanted to delist the 40 or so goals in her “Life Plan Before 40”. Her new plan was to lighten up and set her soul free.

On her seventh lap, she made her second resolution: she will not get married nor have children in this lifetime.

She has nothing against building a family or marriage for anyone else. She had been a bridesmaid to many weddings and a ninang to a number of babies, and had been genuinely happy for friends and relatives who had chosen to declare and celebrate their love by getting married and giving birth.

It’s just that, for her, it was a lifestyle choice and a matter of perspective. She didn’t quite feel it suited her.

For her, it was more like “I don’t want to be ‘tied down’ with someone, I want to be set free with someone.”

It just makes more sense for her for people to stay together because both of them want to, and not because they’re bound by red tape or that the laws tell them they have to because of a decision made by them, or for them by circumstance or family, years ago.

Times are ever changing and she didn’t believe in a static forever. Love should be entered freely and accepted freely if ever it’s gone. It isn’t the government’s, society’s, or anyone else’s business.

Besides, if one ever finds his or her soulmate, they will naturally be together, not because of a piece of paper, but because their souls cherish each other for life.

Just like people making families out of friends or others not related to them by blood. There are no laws or restrictions involved, only love.

Her resolve to not get married is not because she hates men either, even after two major heartbreaks. Nor because she thinks she won’t find love again. If it comes, she will welcome it, but she will no longer expect it.

She just wanted to move freely and lighter. A selfish choice, perhaps. But she’s finally at a place where she is friends with her self and truly thinks she can happily live and walk the path alone.

On her 9th lap, she decided she’s ready for a new job.

It’s been more than two months of rest. There’s an invitation waiting for her to go back to a similar job, but this time at a beach resort. Similar skills set needed in a more laid back setting, can wear sneakers and promises lesser hours.

Perhaps, she will take it. The work is what she’s good at. Now away from it, she admits she did enjoy it somehow, but that she just had too much of it before. Perhaps now with the right mindset, she can manage her time and priorities better. It’s worth a try again.

The only thing that troubled her about this job was that it was located quite far from where she lived. Far away to another island, in fact. She wondered about her options.

As she finished her standard 10 laps, she stopped and panted on the sidewalk beside a darkly tinted red car.

Lost in her thoughts, she proceeded to cool down with a few stretching exercises while staring at her flushed face reflected on the car window.

Her sweaty coffee-colored skin complemented her glowing eyes. She smiled.

“You are beautiful, Ayin,” she told the girl in the mirror.

She does not say this lightly. Not when it took her a long time to struggle to accept and be comfortable in her own skin.

She was already in her late 20s when she realized that, in a bigger world, there are different kinds of beauty. Dark skin can be stunning, shortness can be cute, face spots can be distinguished and even plumpness can evoke comfort.

Different races from all over the world set beauty standards differently, and each person has his or her own taste. So if one just takes a step back outside the bubble, one will see that anyone is actually beautiful in their own way.

Some may be attractive at first sight, while others just take time to grow on you. But if you just open your heart and look hard enough, you will see beauty in everyone.

As for her, only when she began to appreciate her own kind of beauty did she learn to enhance and play up what she has. Her eyes were her biggest asset – deep, gentle and kind. She used to hide these behind glasses, but when she grew to a braver age, she underwent Lasik surgery, both for aesthetics and convenience.

She learned to value her mind and cultivate her character, as well. For without these, beauty is just tasteless.

In her 30s, she was enlightened by one great secret — that only when you feed your soul can you achieve True Beauty.

If your soul is at peace, you will have the confidence to move with the world and the boldness to pursue what truly matters to you. A bold, confident woman will always have that inner glow, which soon enough, will mirror the world around her.

So, since the moment she went jobless, she had spent her days feeding her soul.

She slept, ran, traveled, read books, and watched dramas that moved her. She meditated and listened to inspiring music. She reconnected with family and told herself to be kinder and love them. She lived for awhile at her family’s beach house and spent time by the sea to listen to her heart.

Just then, she was jolted out of her reverie, when the reflective car window she’s been staring at slowly lowered down.

Inside the car, she saw a slightly aged man with streaks of grey hair holding a clipboard and pen at the driver’s seat. Beside him was a guy who looked like in his 20s. Both were looking at her with laughter in their eyes.

“Good evening, ma’am,” the older man said politely.

Very embarrassed, she removed her earphones and said quickly, “I’m sorry, I’m sorry. I didn’t realize there was someone in the car.”

“No worries,” the older man assured her. “We’re just discussing about driving. But we’re about to leave now, so we thought to inform you.”

Flustered, she mumbled for a few seconds, “Ah, um… thank you.”

The older man handed her a calling card. “You might want to take driving lessons or know anyone who does. Please give us a call.”

He smiled and waved goodbye as he rolled up the window close again.

As they left, she stared at the yellow card in her hand. To her surprise, it was the same driving school her sister was urging her to enroll at a few days back.

She looked up at the golden sky. Is this a sign? First, her sister and now, the card on her hand.

Suddenly, she knew what to do next.

The moment she made up her mind, her heart was calm yet burning hot. As mirrored by the glorious orange sun about to go to bed before her.

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