forget me not series 2 – The Romance of Ayin & Will
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
One upon a time, there was a pretty woman who realized she was in love with her childhood friend when he told her he was getting married to another.
Determined not to let the moment pass her by, she decided to say her “I love You” despite the impending marriage anyway. And so, like a sly fox bent on getting someone else’s meat, she wreaked havoc on her best friend’s wedding and hurt the couple in the process.
In the end, it only made her “feel like fungus” and she never did get the man. It was just a little too late.
As Ayin watched Julia Roberts’ blockbuster romantic comedy, My Bestfriend’s Wedding for the second time, she could only shake her head and wonder — why oh why do people always seem to wait too long to say ‘I love you’? She was self-aware enough to acknowledge she was also one of those people.
The I-love-you-a-little-too-late plot isn’t anything new. It has been used in more than enough shows like the American film Before Sunrise (said after 12 years), the tragic Chinese drama The King’s Woman (after he killed her), or the Korean Tale of the Nine-Tailed Fox (after several reincarnations).
It even happened to the best of them like Ross and Rachel in the world’s all-time favorite sitcom Friends or Carrie and Mr. Big in Sex and the City.
It almost seems like people are only prompted to say ‘I love you’ when the ones they love are about to go away, or suddenly has a terminal illness or, worse, dead.
Just think of the countless scenes filmed at airports (stop the plane!), bus or boat terminals (running after a moving one), churches (I object!) and hospitals where the female or male lead rushes against time, breaking all protocols, just to declare their I-love-yous.
And you think this only happens in fictional drama? No, this happens a lot in real life, too.
Take Ayin, for example, who still hasn’t said the words back to Will despite the fact he already did so weeks ago.
Ayin may find it easy to sing “I love you” in the shower, or declare “I love your dress!”, “I love the Phantom,” or “I love U2” anytime of the day. But to say the actual words to Will’s face? Not so easy.
Isn’t it just one of life’s greatest mysteries why saying I love you is so difficult? Because, when you think about it, the world is just so full of it.
Go to a videoke bar and you will find that more than half, if not all, of the songs are declarations of love. And yet, more often than not, people only sing it to themselves or among equally drunk friends while the one who really needs to hear it is way outside the soundproofed room.
Ask anyone who’s trying to learn a new language and the most common one that people will try to master and commit to memory is the variation of the phrase ‘I love you’. Saranghe, Wa Ai Ni, Je t’aime, Te Amo – one knows it all.
So isn’t it quite ironic that when it comes to actually saying these three words out loud to another person, face to face, people can get squeamish?
Perhaps, one reason could be is that saying it is quite expensive nowadays.
It’s not far to say that the business of saying I love you is one of the most lucrative and biggest contributors to the economy today. Multi-million events have been built around it – love concerts, musicals, weddings, engagement parties and themed proposals. Have you heard of the guy who even proposed through a billboard ad?
There’s also Valentine’s Day itself where the outpouring of romantic dinner packages, greeting cards, gold rings and jewelry, chocolates, expensive flowers and various merchandise in all forms — cards, bags, stuffed toys, key chains, shirts and more – all made to contain the ‘I love you’ phrase, or a version of it – could literally fill entire malls.
And then, there’s the emotional investment involved. Saying I love you is more or less a declaration of long-term commitment just like an insurance policy. And like your regular quarterly renewal payments, even during hard times like a pandemic, you’re bound keep paying it in full because defaulting half way through is just more costly.
So yeah, for some, it takes some time to consider if they really can afford to say such big words.
But then, granting that you can afford it, here comes the next question — when you’re dating, when is it the right time to say I love you?
Is saying it within days or a week of dating not too crazy? Even if your heart is already bursting to say it, do you still need to give it more time or wait for the proper setting to say it? Just like when you urgently need to pee or do a Number Two at the mall, and you do your very best to hold it in because you just feel that your home is the only place to properly handle your shit.
Or is it true what some say that three months is the sweet spot? If it is, then Ayin and Will were definitely late bloomers.
And then, there are also times when you wonder — if you’re in a relationship, can you ever get away with not saying it at all?
A friend once told Ayin that when a partner says I love you, it’s like having a baseball thrown to your home plate. Once the pitcher throws it, the batter is not supposed to duck or catch the ball to examine it. You’re to either cry foul ball or hit it back perfectly right then and there. Or else, one incurs a strike. And the batter is only allowed three strikes before taken out of the game.
At that particular moment, Ayin felt she was already on Strike Two.
The first one was when Will said it first out loud, and she missed her chance to say it right back.
And it wasn’t because she didn’t feel it. She knew she was in love with Will. In fact, the first time she realized she loved him was way before he told her — when she was in a chapel praying for him despite the fact that he just dumped her.
It was just that when he said it to her, almost shouted it even, saying he was choosing to get out of the dark and getting his life back on track, she was so flustered and grateful that her old Will was back.
She didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. All she could think about was, “Finally, a breakthrough!”
It was an answered prayer and, overwhelmed with gratitude, she could only respond with “Thank God!”
Her second strike was letting more than 2 weeks pass without reciprocating in kind yet.
With all the creative ways the world has to offer, you’d think it would be easier to say it. But actually, it just felt awkward saying it after the moment has passed.
For weeks, her tongue — coated with nerves, a dash of shyness and a mysterious ward she couldn’t quite name, seemed to cage the words in her throat like a sentence was being served.
She knew Will was sulking a bit that she hadn’t said the words yet. She sensed that her time was almost up, before Will calls her out on it.
That’s why, before strike three, she was already planning for a good moment to say it. She felt that such big words, long overdue, deserved the right romantic setting and event like their anniversary, which happened to fall that day, Valentine’s Day.
About three days ago, during their regular night calls, Ayin asked Will about their final anniversary plan…
Her, “It’s almost Valentine’s Day…”
Him, “Mm.”
Her, “Have you thought about where to take me yet?”
Him, “Maybe.”
Her, “It’s not Saturday Night, but we’re still going on a date, right? It’s our anniversary.”
Him, “Yes.”
Her, “So, what’s the plan?”
Him, “Be patient. It’s a surprise.”
Will refused to tell her more than that.
Either he was being childish, punishing her for not saying the big words yet, or he really was planning a surprise and didn’t want to spoil it.
An anniversary date was supposed to be the most special among dates, a standout among the regulars, and Ayin was already dreaming about how Will was going to treat her later.
Was he going to take her to that new mountain restaurant in Busay, reminiscent of their first date at the Tops, that she’d been hinting about all week?
Or were they going on a special trip, a long drive to one of their favorite resorts? It wasn’t the weekend so he wasn’t as busy at his school. A spontaneous trip was possible. He hasn’t said anything about it… but she already filed her leave for tomorrow, just in case.
Or were they going dancing again after a special dinner?
Just thinking about the possibilities sent thrills up her spine.
Just then, her phone rang. …
“Ms. Ayin, this is Will’s new assistant, Arnie.”
Oh right, she remembered Will was training someone new to help him with the operations and car maintenance.
“Oh yes, what’s up? Where’s Will?”
Did Will ask him to call to inform her where to meet later?
“Miss, there’s an emergency. Boss can’t make it to your date tonight.”
Ayin took a moment to consider. Was this a joke? The man on the other end of the line didn’t sound particularly regretful or alarmed. In fact, he delivered it in such a soft, gentle voice like he was reporting on the sunny weather.
Or was this a play? Ayin wondered.
Was Will playing the adult game of hide and seek, where the guy tells the girl he can’t make it, but actually shows up at the last minute, to give the surprise more of an impact?
That’s more plausible. Will could be quite a Drama King sometimes. He was crazy enough. And now, he has a supporting actor to back him up.
She decided to play along, “Oh really? What’s the emergency?”
Arnold said, “Um, Boss is at the hospital, Miss.”
Again, with that unhurried, gentle voice with no hint of alarm at all. Tsk, tsk, such a bad supporting actor.
She replied, “Oh, what for?”
“Ah, um, Boss got into an accident. He’s waiting for you at the hospital to visit him. He wants me to pick you up.”
She knew it, she thought smugly. These guys were playing her. Will just wanted to lure her to the place where he’s springing the surprise.
She said, “No need. I brought my car. I still have a meeting. Tell him I won’t be free until early this afternoon.”
Good thing for her, Valentine’s was a simple affair at the resort and was mainly the domain of the F&B team. All her marketing team did was promote it. No need to stay behind for an event.
“Okay, Miss,” Arnie replied pleasantly.
“So where is it?,” she prompted him.
“Chong Hua Hospital at Fuente.”
Ayin rolled her eyes. “Are you sure that’s the real place?”
“Yes, Miss.”
Ayin didn’t believe him. “I’m sure that’s bound to change. Just text me later the final venue.”
“Okay, Miss. No problem.”
As she ended the call, Ayin shook her head. Will could have hired a better actor.
Will should have known better that she was too smart for this kind of thing. Nevertheless, she gave the guy some points for the effort and creativity.
She couldn’t wait for this “surprise”.
But first, she needed to do a final check of all promotional placements around the resort, so she wouldn’t be getting “urgent” work calls later. This kept her busy for the next few hours.
When 3pm rolled around, she was ready to go but she still hasn’t received an update from Will or Arnie on the actual date venue.
The shadow of doubt entered her mind. Was she really supposed to go to Chong Hua? Was Arnie telling the truth about Will being at the hospital?
No way. He wouldn’t have been so cool about it.
And if there really was an emergency, Will would have called her himself, wouldn’t he? She was number 1 on his speed dial.
No, all this was just a play. Act 1 already showed this morning, with bad acting at that. But the bigger problem was, she didn’t know where Act 2 was being staged, and she was supposed to be the lead actress.
A voice inside her touched a nerve, What if it was true?
Then that would mean she was the worst girlfriend ever, not minding her man for hours when he was suffering in the hospital.
Cannot be, another voice inside her argued. This kind of thing just doesn’t happen on Valentine’s, of all days, in real life. It was way too much like a primetime drama twist.
She checked her phone. Still no message. She was beginning to get worried.
Enough with the play, she decided.
She dialed Will’s mobile number. It could not be reached.
Her heart started to pound.
She dialed his office landline. It kept ringing, there was no answer.
Getting frustrated, she tried again, using his school’s mobile number. Grace picked up on the third ring. Thank God.
“Grace, I can’t reach Will. Where is he?”
“At the hospital, Ms. Ayin. Chong Hua Fuente.”
Could this really be happening to her on Valentine’s Day? Or was Grace part of the play, too?
“Don’t kid with me, Grace. I’m on my way to meet him. It’s too late already. I have to leave now or else be caught in traffic.”
Grace insisted, “It’s true. An ambulance picked him up this morning. We rushed him to the hospital. Didn’t Arnie inform you?”
She noted Grace’s steady voice. She may not know Arnie well enough, but she’s met Grace who didn’t know how to lie.
No, she realized, Grace wouldn’t joke about something like this.
Her heart dropped to the floor.
Grace said, “He just got out of the emergency room. I’ll text you his room number.”
Oh God, there was even a room number. She really was the worst girlfriend on the planet.
She cleared her throat and managed to croak out, “How is he? What happened to him?”
Grace said, “His motorcycle crashed. He’s still under observation. They will release his test results tomorrow with the doctor.”
Without a proper goodbye to her team, Ayin rushed to grab her bag and car keys, and walked briskly to the parking lot.
She held on to her phone, still talking to Grace, like she needed to be anchored to Will’s world before she lost it.
She asked plaintively, “But he’s breathing okay?”
Grace, “Yes, he’s conscious.”
She sighed in relief.
Ayin, “Where are you now?
Grace, “I’m on my way back to the office, before the instructors get back from their classes.”
Ayin, “Is somebody with him?”
Grace, “Arnie. But Sir Will is waiting for you.”
Ayin, “Okay, I’m driving now. Please don’t forget to send me the room number. Thanks, Grace.”
The next 30 minutes was a blur as her eyes clouded and tears rained on her face. She navigated the roads on auto-pilot, all thoughts of Will consuming her mind.
She prayed over and over — Please God, let him be okay. He’s been through so much. Please let him be okay.
She hasn’t even told him ‘I love you’ yet. A feeling of shame washed over her. Damn it, why did she wait so long to say it?
Ayin was jarred back to reality when she saw the long line of cars going up the Mactan bridge.
It wasn’t even 5pm rush hour yet. Damned Valentine’s Day.
Forgetting she was one of them, she complained, why do people always have to celebrate love on this one single day? Hello, there are 365 days in a year.
How badly was he hurt? Was Will in pain? Were any of his bones permanently broken? Oh my God, he would be so devastated if he couldn’t drive anymore.
Her eyes filled up again. He’s been through so much, why does it have to be always him?
What if there’s internal bleeding? What if there’s an infection and he could possibly die?
A sob broke from her lips.
Get a grip, Ayin, she scolded herself. Will needs you right now.
Her mind was a mess, so she decided to focus on the one thing she needed to do — drive to go see him.
Please move, she urgently sent the message to the universe of cars in front of her.
Please, she needed to tell someone she loves him.
It wasn’t lost on her that at that very moment, she was becoming the drama cliche she’s always scoffed at.
It felt like she was in her own movie set, rushing to a hospital as fast as she could to tell a man she loves him.
It was already nightfall when Ayin finally managed to reach the hospital and find a parking slot.
She took a moment to compose herself and clear her face.
She looked up at the cold gray facade of the hospital building. So dreary, she thought.
Ugh, she hated it. Among the many I-love-you-too-late settings she’s watched in dramas, she hated hospitals the most.
As much as she could, she avoided hospitals for as long as she could remember. The smell, the pain, the tired and worried look on everybody’s faces. Soft tubes chaining patients to metallic beds.
Never in her life had she spent an overnight in one. This would be her first time as watcher.
She didn’t want to go inside but her need to see her man overpowered her jitters.
Ugh. She hated that too – having to say ‘I love you’ over a hospital bed. She hated being such a drama cliche, period.
But it really couldn’t wait any longer.
Because Ayin realized one thing — while saying ‘I love you’ might be expensive these days, the price of not saying it was higher.
Taking a deep breath, Ayin got out and unloaded the overnight bag she always kept in the trunk of her car in case of emergencies. This was one of those times when her OCD tendencies paid off.
Then gathering another bagful of courage, she walked the hospital hall on the way to Will’s room.
Like always, she saw a depressing sight like the woman bawling by a bench near the emergency wing.
She tried to guess. Exorbitant hospital bill or was her loved one extremely hurt or dying?
She bet it’s the latter.
Ayin shivered.
More than any hospital bill, not saying I Love You now, before it’s too late, when someone special ought to hear it, was something anyone could definitely not afford.
She just hoped she wasn’t too late.
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