forget me not series 2 – The Romance of Ayin & Will
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
Ayin opened the door to Will’s hospital room and found it full of people. You could hear laughter and animated talks over a loud TV flashing the evening news.
It was far from the dark, somber mood she expected.
For a moment, she doubted she got the correct room number and backtracked to double check the tag outside the door. She saw Will’s name.
Cautiously, she entered and walked a little more inside. There she found Will, half sitting in the center of the bed, looking bored as he ate peeled oranges being served to him by someone not familiar to her.
Despite an unmistakable white bandage peeking from his right shoulder, he looked just like a pampered Asian emperor holding court to a group of eager ministers trying their best to entertain him with stories of the land.
As she approached, he absentmindedly glanced up to check his latest attendant. His eyes met her worried ones. A look of relief washed over his face.
He opened his palm up without lifting his arm, and she walked over to place her hand on it as she bent down to kiss his cool forehead.
Him, squeezing her hand, “You’re here.”
Her, “Sorry, I’m late.”
Him, “Traffic on the bridge?”
She nodded. “Valentine’s.”
They looked at each other for a moment as they tried to continue the private conversation with their eyes.
Him: Why didn’t you leave work sooner?
Her: So sorry. I’ll explain later.
Him, with a rueful face: Sorry I messed up our Valentine’s
Her, squeezing his hand as she smiled: Never mind. I’m just so happy you’re alive
To reassure herself, she quickly scanned him from head to toe.
Alright, his face seemed fine.
There was a big patch on his shoulder. She winced. Something must be broken there.
She lifted the sheet and peeked inside.
There were scratches on his ribs.
She gasped. “What happened to your pants?” It looked like Edward Scissorhands just had a session with it.
Him, “They ripped it to clean the cuts. It was too painful earlier to take it off completely.”
His legs were a mess of dried blood and bruises. But, thank God, the doctors didn’t think it was bad enough to put in a cast.
Her gaze went back up to his smiling face.
Her, “What are you so happy about? You’re scratched and broken all over.”
Him, chuckling, “Can’t you tell? I’m so high right now… on you or the painkillers.”
Her, even more distressed. “Oh no, the pain must be unbearable.”
He grinned, “Not anymore. Now that you’re here.”
Ayin felt tears well up her eyes. She fought them back and took a deep breath. This was so not the time to get emotional.
She was then very aware that the room has gone quiet, with the visitors openly observing and eavesdropping on them.
Suddenly, she was glad she took the time to fix her face in the car before coming up.
Breaking from Will’s gaze, she composed herself and, with a shaky smile, shifted her body to face and greet the people around the room.
Will introduced her to a couple of neighbors, an aunt and a cousin and two former students.
News certainly travels fast, she thought. She was chagrined by the fact they were all able to come before her.
She asked, “Where’s Arnie?”
Will, “I sent him back to the office.” He gestured to his visitors, “They offered to stay till you arrive.”
Her, now doubly embarrassed, “Oh, thank you.”
Then remembering their conversation when she entered the room, before they got quiet, she asked, “So you were talking about a cat?”
As if on cue, everyone laughed and started chatting again.
They filled her in on the story of the cat and the crashing motorcycle, like an urban legend being retold to every new visitor.
Will, wanting to zip through heavy traffic, decided to drive his motorcycle on the way to the bank that morning. But just before he got to the highway, a black cat suddenly jumped from a fence onto a side street he was passing by.
It took its time crossing the street. But as Will gauged from a distance, he thought it would be safely out of the way by the time he reached it.
But then, instead of hastening its steps at the approach of his motorcycle, the cat suddenly crouched right there in the middle of the street and stilled, daring him to make impact with a long, cold stare like it was the Queen of the Road.
When Will belatedly realized it wasn’t moving away, he desperately swerved to the side to avoid killing it and hit a pole instead. He was thrown from the motorcycle. When he came to, the cat was no longer there.
Real, imagined or warlock? Everyone had their opinion.
Ayin looked at Will disbelievingly. All this because of a cat?
He shrugged. “I swear I saw it. Arnie saw it too.”
The neighbors then stood up and acted out how the gentle Arnie, who witnessed the incident on his way to the office, went to the neighbor’s house calling for help.
Like her, it took them awhile to believe him, for he looked so calm when he reported the incident, like nothing unusual happened. Until finally one neighbor went with him outside to check what was going on. Upon seeing it was true, with Will sprawled on the street, they then called an ambulance.
Will grinned, “Yes, that’s Arnie. Nothing rattles him. He has this perpetual smile on his face, even when you scold him.”
There were a few chuckles around the room.
Just then a nurse aide knocked and went inside to serve Will’s dinner. His visitors decided then it was time to leave.
A few minutes later, it was just the two of them.
Ayin proceeded to set the rolling table for him and uncovered his food tray.
At the sight of the hospital food, Will declared at once, “I’m not hungry.”
Ayin frowned at him, “You’re a patient. You need food to recover.”
After a moment’s thought, Will said, “How about pizza? Someone brought in a box earlier. We can both eat that.”
She looked at Will’s hopeful face and her heart melted like cheese. “Fine.”
She set the hospital tray aside and replaced it with the big box of pizza. Then she poured them some apple juice in styro cups that she found on the table of goodies as well.
Her, “Can you sit up? Does it hurt to move?”
Him, “A bit.”
She moved the table closer and assisted him to a more comfortable position.
Then she sat down on the bed across from him. For the next few minutes, characteristic of Will, they ate their pizza in silence.
After a while, she confessed. “I was such an idiot, thinking you and Arnie staged all this to fool me so you could spring a big anniversary surprise.”
“Huh?”
She nodded. “I didn’t believe him when he called. I thought you guys were having this play where you try to mislead me, pick me up at work, and then bring me to a secret romantic place where you will be waiting with candles and stuff… you know, just like in the dramas.”
Will looked at her in disbelief. “You think I’m that creative? You know me, my mind is not capable of such complicated plans. I keep it simple.”
True. How could she forget Will was one straightforward guy?
She shrugged, “I guess I got carried away by all the Valentine gimmicks at the resort.” Then she narrowed her eyes at him, “You did say you were planning a surprise.”
“Yeah, a special dinner in Busay near Tops. Like our first date. It’s what you wanted, isn’t it? You kept hinting at it all week.”
“I knew it!” She looked at him proudly, “You can take a hint!”
Will was quiet for a moment as he tried to process what she said. Then he released a chuckle, which turned into a laugh, then a guffaw in seconds.
She gave him a disgruntled smile.
“Aargh. Please don’t make me laugh. It hurts.”
Frowning, she asked him, “You want me to ask the nurse for painkillers?”
Will shook his head. “Just had it. I don’t want to take too much. I can manage.”
Then Will lifted his styro cup of apple juice and gestured for her to do the same. He toasted loudly, “To being alive and being with you. Happy anniversary!”
She grinned and echoed, “Happy anniversary! Cheers!”
After they drank it bottoms up, Ayin promptly refilled their cups.
As Will watched her, he asked, “So… how’s this for fine dining on Valentine’s?”
She giggled and then pretended to seriously consider as she sat back down and bit into her pizza again. “Mmm… definitely 5-star! Good choice.”
The pizza was cold, the juice lukewarm and the table between them slightly tilted to one side.
But being with Will in that moment, and looking at his goofy face — beautifully alive after a very close call with death, filled her with so much warmth and joy that she knew she could eat worse and still think it’s the best food she’s ever eaten.
Ayin gestured to the table filled with fruits and other food from visitors. “What more could we ask for? We have a buffet…”
Will added, “There’s no traffic…”
Her eyes danced, “And for the ultimate Valentine package… you even booked an overnight stay for two, breakfast included.”
That cracked them up.
Will, “Am I the perfect boyfriend or what?”
They laughed even harder.
Will’s laughter ended in a groan again as his body protested. “Aargh, told you not to make me laugh so hard it hurts.”
As Will struggled to calm down, Ayin couldn’t help but continue giggling.
For the first time that miserable day, she finally felt the welcome release of tension and worry from her body as she shared her first laugh of the day with Will.
It was such a relief.
She looked at her man and realized he truly was a gem, a keeper.
Even in the most dire of circumstances, he always made her laugh.
At times, he could drive her so mad one minute, and yet the next give her the peace and relief she desperately needed.
He was moody, impatient, and yet the only person she knew who would crash a motorcycle to save a cat.
He was her diamond in the rough. The gold in the dark.
Her Wabi-Sabi love.
There’s an ancient Japanese philosophy called wabi-sabi which centers on finding beauty in imperfection.
According to tradition, its aesthetics lies in the acceptance or appreciation of things that are worn, rustic, broken, incomplete, or impermanent. Such as driftwood by the sea, faded autumn leaves, chipped pottery, an old wall stained by age, or even the laugh lines or wrinkles on one’s face.
The concept of Wabi is about recognizing beauty in simplicity or what is, while Sabi is concerned with the passage of time – the way things grow, age and weather through different seasons.
Taken together, wabi-sabi is an ode to the forces of nature or natural cycle of life. Rather than striving for perfection, it’s about embracing the imperfect beauty in the so-called flaws, and loving what is natural and authentic to you, or what you already have.
For Ayin, wabi-sabi embodies the principles she appreciates the most — asymmetry or flawed beauty, roughness, simplicity, economy, understated elegance and intimacy.
Just like her Will – perfectly imperfect, handsomely scarred and broken, and wonderfully shaped by life’s many storms. He’s as real and natural as they come.
As Ayin continued to study Will, a feeling of tenderness and love swept through her.
So much so that, just like a big fart one couldn’t control upon waking up in the morning, it suddenly burst out of her —
“I love you.”
She struggled not to cringe in embarrassment as soon as the words got out of her. Suddenly shy, she couldn’t look him in the eyes.
Will wouldn’t let her get away with it though. His smile widened as he teased, “What was that? I didn’t hear you.”
She took a deep breath. She was determined to follow through lest she loses the opportunity again. So, looking at his goofy face, she repeated, “I love you.”
This time, it was easier, the words flowing lightly without the weight of doubt and insecurity.
Just like meeting a French native who finally taught her how to properly pronounce the words Je ‘taime, she was so relieved she didn’t have to struggle with the words anymore.
Will chuckled. “That’s better. It took you long enough. It’s a relief isn’t it?”
She nodded. “Like popping air bubbles from your ears when you land on a plane.”
Will thought before replying, “Or pulling out these damned needles on my hand.”
Her, looking at his legs, “Or pulling off a big dried tissue on the skin.”
Him, “Mm, yes, can’t wait.” Then he thought again for a moment, “Like peeing after 12 hours of sleep.”
Her, “Nice one.” Thinking what could top that, she finally had it. She grinned at him mischievously, “Like reaching orgasm during sex.”
Will guffawed. She giggled.
Just as Will groaned in pain again from the shaking of his body, there was a knock on the door. The night shift nurse entered and introduced himself, then proceeded to check up Will’s vital signs.
Ayin took the time to clear up and arrange the room.
When they were done, the nurse endorsed to her some meds to be taken at intervals, and painkillers just in case.
As the nurse left, Ayin announced, “Okay, time to rest. Let’s get you ready. Do you have a change of clothes?”
Will nodded. “Grace brought a backpack. But haven’t checked it.”
Ayin assisted him to the bathroom to brush his teeth and do his business. While he was sore all over, thankfully he could still walk very slowly.
He couldn’t raise his arms though, so just like his jeans, they decided to cut off his white shirt. It was liberating.
With his medicated bruises, shower was not an option, so she gave him a sponge bath instead.
The pampered emperor grumbled all the way, wincing and cursing at the slightest thing.
Though it was difficult, she tried her best to be patient and understanding of his pain. But she suspected it was more of hurt pride for being at her mercy than anything. For such a big man, he could be such a baby sometimes.
“We need to get the dirt off your body so it won’t infect your wounds.”
He grumbled, “Be gentle with me.”
She muttered under her breath, “Of course, Your Highness. Be patient, too. It’s also my first time.”
“First time?”
“First time to give someone a sponge bath.”
He looked pleased. “You must really love me.”
She looked into his eyes and gave him again the words he wanted to hear. “Yes, love you, bugoy.”
It really does get easier the more you say it, she thought in amazement.
Then he said, “Love you, too.”
Now, hearing that was even more amazing. Hello, butterflies.
Later, sometime after midnight, Will whispered in the dimmed room. “You asleep?”
She was lying on her side on the visitor bench which she connected to Will’s bed earlier. Their bodies were in opposite directions, with her head near his knees and Will’s head by her feet. Their joined hands lay in the middle.
She opened her eyes to find him staring at her. “No.”
She just discovered that, like in boats, she couldn’t sleep well in hospitals, either.
She sat up and asked him, “Are you in pain? You want meds?”
He shook his head. “It’s just uncomfortable, sleeping only on one side.”
Poor baby. Will couldn’t lie on his back because his right side, where he landed during the crash, was swollen and throbbing.
Him, “Talk to me.”
She rested her head on the side of his bed, near his stomach, and looked into his eyes.
She asked, “What went through your mind when you crashed? Did you think you were gonna die? Is it true what they say — about your life flashing before your eyes?”
He tried to recall the moment. “Can’t really remember. I know I was conscious though. I was afraid to move because it felt like I broke something. So I stayed there on the ground until the ambulance picked me up.”
She shuddered at the image that flashed in her mind. “Are you afraid to die?”
Him, after a pause, “Haven’t thought about it much. But if it happens, it happens. When it’s your time, it’s time.”
Ayin was quiet.
Him, “Why? Do you think about dying?”
“I used to think that 30 was it for me.”
At his look, she retorted, “No, I wasn’t suicidal.”
How does she explain it? “It’s just that, I went through a lot — or maybe I was just too emotional — in my 20s. At that time I felt I’ve had enough life experiences. Too cocky, I guess. I wasn’t exactly looking for death, but if it happened, I felt I was prepared to die at that age.”
He scowled at her, “Thirty? That’s so young. Then you wouldn’t have met me.” He shook his head again.
She chuckled. “I know.” Then she patted his hand to assure him. “You know that saying ‘The best is yet to come?’”
He nodded.
“Thank God, it’s true. I realize now I was just so impatient and arrogant. You’re right — if I had really left earth at that age, I wouldn’t have met you.”
He lifted his eyebrows smugly, “So you’re saying I’m the best?”
She giggled, “Maybe. But this time with you is different. I’m just grateful for the extended time with you everyday, for being able to experience this kind of relationship with you.”
Him, “What about it?”
Her, “I don’t know. Compared to before, it just feels light and easy being with someone this time around. Yes, we have our fights and dark episodes or unwanted surprises like you landing at a hospital now… But, in general… you know that feeling when everything just fits even though we’re opposites? There’s a kind of peace and comfort from being with you. Like I don’t have to strive so hard to keep you or be so perfect all the time. Everything just flows like…”
Him, “Like it’s meant to be.”
She nodded.
Him, “I told you it’s destiny.”
Her, “I guess. God must have prepared us for each other.”
Him, wryly, “I think it also helps that we’re both older now, more mature. We don’t play around with relationships.”
Her, “True. We’ve both experienced pain and we respect each other more for it.”
She added,“You know what, if I had met you when I was younger, maybe it wouldn’t have worked out between us.”
Him, “Hm. We don’t know that. I wish I could have met you sooner.”
Her, “It’s all in God’s perfect timing.”
Then, speaking of timing, she realized something. “Hey, guess what – technically today is our anniversary. Remember, you popped the question after midnight of Valentine’s?”
He grinned at the memory. “Oh yeah. Happy anniversary.”
She smiled back. “Happy anniversary. Love you.”
Him, “Love you.”
She watched as Will adjusted to a more comfortable position. Her eyes misted as she ran her eyes over his bruises.
“I can’t imagine if I lost you today.”
“No way, I’m a werewolf. I heal easily.”
At her wry look, he said, “Okay, okay. Let’s not worry about what-ifs. Let’s just focus on the now and look forward to the future instead.”
As her mind wandered along those lines, she suddenly recalled a familiar playlist. “Hey, do you know that song by Meghan Trainor and John Legend, Like I’m Gonna Lose You? Wait, I have it here…”
She scrambled to browse through her music player then clicked play. “Here… listen…”
[Meghan Trainor:]🎶
I found myself dreaming
In silver and gold
Like a scene from a movie
That every broken heart knows
We were walking on moonlight
And you pulled me close
Split second and you disappeared
And then I was all alone
I woke up in tears
With you by my side
A breath of relief
And I realized
No, we’re not promised tomorrow
So I’m gonna love you
Like I’m gonna lose you
I’m gonna hold you
Like I’m saying goodbye
Wherever we’re standing
I won’t take you for granted
’cause we’ll never know when
When we’ll run out of time
So I’m gonna love you
Like I’m gonna lose you
I’m gonna love you
Like I’m gonna lose you
[John Legend:]
In the blink of an eye
Just a whisper of smoke
You could lose everything
The truth is you never know
So I’ll kiss you longer, baby
Any chance that I get
I’ll make the most of the minutes
And love with no regrets
Let’s take our time
To say what we want
Use what we got
Before it’s all gone
‘Cause no, we’re not promised tomorrow…🎵🎶
As the song faded, she said softly, “Do you know, when I realized it was true you were at the hospital, one thing kept running in my head– I haven’t told you I love you yet.”
He chuckled. “I was about to ask you today if you haven’t said it first.”
Turning her head to look into Will’s eyes, she said, “The song is right, you know — we have to make the most of right now, and love with no regrets ‘cause we’re not promised tomorrow.”
Will didn’t say anything as he considered her serious face.
She grabbed his hand and continued, “Let’s make a pact right now. Let’s live like even if we say goodbye — be it now or years later, it would all still be worth it. Deal?”
Sensing her urgency, he got on board to assure her. “Okay, deal. Whatever happens, no regrets.”
They sealed the matter with a hand squeeze.
Him, “Now, how about that kiss before goodnight?”
A few minutes later, Will was finally able to sleep. Ayin could tell from his snore.
She closed her eyes, but did not go to sleep.
She was aware when the nurse came in around 3am to check on Will’s vitals again.
She was about to protest when he tried to adjust Will’s position and blanket.
But then, the nurse stopped, his face softening at the sight of two hands holding beneath the sheets.
He let them be and went out of the room.
Thank you, she muttered under her breath. To the nurse, God, and the universe in general. For the time and space granted to them to hold hands for just a little while longer.
Early the next morning, the doctor visited to discuss Will’s test results.
Doctor, “You want to hear the good news or bad news first?”
Will, “Good news first.”
Doctor, “Very well. As per your x-ray, no major bones were broken. Just cuts and bruises. It hurts now but once the swelling goes down, you’ll be fine. If you like, you can be discharged today. Just clean the cuts regularly. I’ll write you a prescription for some antibiotics and painkillers to hasten your recovery.”
Will and Ayin both sighed in relief and grinned at each other.
Will, “Told you I’m a werewolf.”
Ayin made a face at him. “So what’s the bad news, Doc?”
The doctor took out Will’s X-ray and showed them. “See this right shoulder?”
Will, “Yes, that part hurts like hell. It seems to be cracking every time I move it.”
Doctor, “That’s because it’s misaligned. Part of the bone is protruding.”
Ayin, “Is it broken?”
Doctor, “Not fully, just slightly fractured. In a few weeks, the bones will repair itself, reconnecting more firmly. But the protruding bone is there to stay if we don’t do something about it. Like a chip on the shoulder. If that bothers you, we can do a surgical procedure to saw it out. Your shoulder will be even again.”
Will, “If we don’t?”
Doctor, “That’s also fine. It doesn’t affect your recovery. The surgery is purely for aesthetics.”
Will, “What about the pain?”
Doctor, “The pain will eventually go away as the bones heal itself. You can see the bone in the mirror, but you won’t feel it anymore.”
Will, “For as long as the bones will heal properly and my shoulder will be functional, I can live with it. No need for surgery.”
Doctor, “Okay. So you’re good then. If you like, you may continue to recover at home. We’ll discharge you today.”
“Yes, I’d like that. Thanks, Doc.”
When the doctor left, Ayin asked Will, “Are you sure you don’t like to have the surgery? That protruding bone will stay with you forever.”
Will shrugged. “I don’t mind for as long as it stops hurting.”
Just what Ayin expected Will to say. For Will, it’s always function over aesthetics. Never mind that, in addition to his scars, he will have another imperfection on his shoulder.
She agreed with him though. For as long as it’s safe, the protruding bone doesn’t matter. It’s more like a battle trophy – a beautiful reminder that he survived this ordeal.
She looked at him fondly. He was so perfectly imperfect.
And it was love, she realized, that gave her the ability to accept and find beauty in his imperfection.
How wonderful he was, as is. Her wabi-sabi love.
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